20 Signs That a Girl is Crazy
posted by Jeff C. on Sunday, July 19, 2009
Psychologically and emotionally, humans are essentially blank slates as toddlers. While there is evidence pointing to a genetic predisposition for some traits, such as alcoholism or depression, such predisposition tends to only come to fruition when triggered by traumatic experiences. Molested by your creepy uncle when you were seven? Perhaps you'll choose to cope by picking up the habit of self-destructive drug use that has been in your family for generations. Had the abuse not occurred, maybe you'd never be inclined to sneak into a filthy bathroom stall on a Saturday night and do lines of coke off the weiner of the roadie for Iron Maiden. Perhaps that trait might lay dormant forever.
The thing is, all of us – male or female – suffer traumatic experiences as children (it should be noted that the term "traumatic" is relative – that which sends one child into a spiral of depression might have no lingering effect on another). And, inevitably, those experiences have an impact that shapes who we become in adulthood. How we absorb and channel the emotions stemming from those experiences is the basis for the persona that we carry with us for the remainder of our lives. This is where males and females tend to deviate.
For the average male, the teenage years consist of playing sports, getting in fights and feverishly masturbating, all of which allow for the release of frustration and angst.
For the average female, the teenage years consist of learning how to behave to attract boys, while occasionally taking a break to passive-aggressively ridicule other females in hopes of causing them to develop life-threatening eating disorders which, down the road, will take them out of the competition for men. In our society, young women aren't usually presented with acceptable opportunities to let off some steam.
Which is why, as adults, women are generally batshit crazy.
I don't mean to sound cynical. While all women have some degree of craziness, much of it is manageable. However, there remains a significant percentage – maybe thirty percent – of the female population that is too far gone. They've let their childhood trauma get the best of them and, thus, are undateable.
While those girls, the truly crazy ones, might be fun for a drunken hookup – provided you take the time to hide your wallet beforehand so she doesn't wake up before you and run off with your credit cards – you absolutely, positively don't want to fall into the trap of thinking that you can change them. Craziness is not curable. It doesn't eventually go away on its own, like a common cold or chlamydia. A crazy girl will always be a crazy girl, and it's best to steer clear.
Luckily, there are some basic warning signs of craziness. If a girl possesses any of the following, run for the hills…
2) She attempts suicide. Or threatens to attempt suicide. Either stems from an insane amount of insecurity and/or depression.
3) She has multiple cats or dogs. Girls with multiple pets tend to be needy, and they're using their animals as a replacement for the companionship and/or love they never received as children.
4) She's worked as a stripper or a hooker at any point in her life. These girls are just ridiculously messed up on every level. Plus, funding her crystal meth habit can get expensive.
5) She accuses you of cheating on her when you're not. If she does this, chances are she's cheating on you.
6) She speaks in a high-pitched voice. When a girl is sexually-abused as a child, she may get emotionally stuck at that age. Her voice will never fully develop. Which, in and of itself, isn't a big deal. But the other ways in which she deals with the lingering emotions of that abuse are a big deal.
7) She has a child, but doesn't have custody. I don't care what she tells you, she did something horrendous. Normal women always receive custody of their children.
8) She loves Oprah. Generally-speaking, there's nothing wrong with Oprah. But many women choose to follow her blindly. Those women are idiots. The only thing worse than a girl whose behavior fluctuates wildly according to her own hormones is a girl whose behavior fluctuates wildly according to Oprah's stupid hormones.
9) She lies excessively and unnecessarily. This is a common trait of addicts. Not only will they lie about their alcohol/drug intake, but they'll also lie about whether or not they paid the electric bill or bought a gallon of milk at the store. The lying becomes a way of life.
10) She's never had an orgasm. Feel free to give it your all trying to give her that elusive first orgasm. But there's a good chance she was sexually-abused at some point. She's not normal.
11) She's constantly running late. I'm not sure what this stems from, but it's fucking disrespectful, and it never gets better. I don't care how hot a girl is, she doesn't have the right to show up two hours late when you have dinner reservations. And then complain about the spring rolls.
12) She displays excessive jealously. A sign of overwhelming insecurity and neediness.
13) She intermittently breaks into song. She's begging for attention. The minute you don't provide enough of it for her fickle tastes, she'll find another guy who will. If only her father had paid more attention to her.
14) She hates her father. Maybe he touched her inappropriately. Maybe he cheated on her mother. Maybe he simply didn't buy her that pony she wanted when she was ten. Whatever it is, she'll always have issues with men and will never be able to sustain a normal, healthy relationship.
15) She's had a restraining order filed against her. I'm sure, in her version of the story, it was just a silly misunderstanding. Don't buy it. She's nuts. And potentially dangerous.
16) She violates the basic rules of calling/text messaging. Does she call you repeatedly while you're at work? Does she send multiple text messages before you've had a chance to respond? She's needy. And it will only get worse.
17) She cuts herself. She's got some serious issues bubbling up inside her. They'll come back to bite you eventually.
18) She disappears randomly. Does she go for mysterious three-hour walks? Does she not answer her phone for days at a time? She's having sex with somebody.
19) She's friends with all of her ex-boyfriends. She's insecure and loves the attention they provide her. They serve as a reminder that someone was once, and probably still is, attracted to her, thus boosting her shaky self-esteem. And, when she gets bored or lonely or just mildly annoyed with you, she's having sex with them.
20) She has no female friends. She prides herself on being "one of the guys." Primarily because her female friends have rejected her. She's just too annoying, too manipulative, too conniving and too insecure. And she's hit on their boyfriends one too many times. So she has a circle of male friends instead. Whom she has sex with.
Labels: crazy girls, jeff c.
