Victory with Victoria’s Secret.
Victory with Victoria’s Secret in a VIP cabana at the Viceroy.
Anyway, depending upon where you stand in your sex(less) life, it’s up to you to define this holiday overflowing with
lust love seduction opportunities. There are ways to slam dunk your Victoria’s Secret vixen during the V-day holiday, and there are definitely ways to airball. For instance, last V-Day in 2009, I was taken to Valentine’s Day brunch.
Brunch. That resonates, “He does have a girlfriend.”
On February 13, 2008, I ended up making V-Day dinner reservations at Chaya Brasserie in Beverly Hills via OpenTable.com myself.
Myself. (No elaboration necessary).
But V-Day 2010 has already begun for me, as I just experienced an alleged “part” of my VIP V-Day gift last night: center court floor seats at the Jazz vs. Clippers game during my first visit to Staples Center. Impressed, I am thus far.
However, if you go too far to impress a lady to an extent which exceeds your overall manhood, then that puts you in a far worse situation than the aftermath of having her make Valentine’s Day brunch reservations via OpenTable.com. In other words, don’t drive a Ferrari F-430 if you can’t maneuver it at a speed over 80-mph in the canyons. Don’t give her a puppy with a Swarovski collar, as aforementioned, if you can’t help walk the furry friend on a regular basis. And don’t floss floor seats at your local NBA game if you’re unable to land the same seats the next week – or better yet – if you can’t floss all of the icing that is expected with the A-list view. Let me explain my VIP checklist of icing:
VIP Parking: If you’re pissed just thinking about having to pay $20 plus gratuity for parking, or if you think there’s an exception to this rule, then you’re an exceptional fool. You’d be the subject of the day-after-V-Day phone call to her best friend regarding your idiocy and candidacy for world class cheapskate. FYI, your date’s Valentine’s Day experience begins when she wakes up on Sunday, as she’ll be looking forward to royal treatment before she’s off to church or her morning workout session. So, yes, an early-to-midday text saying “Can’t wait to see you tonight. Have a wonderful day :)” is utterly acceptable. That said, pulling up to the valet at the venue’s main parking structure is part of the VIP V-Day experience – from the moment the assistant valet opens the passenger door for her, to the moment after the game when you tip the driver.
VIP Dinner: Deciding whether to chow down or determining your level of hunger is not an option. Two rounds of food and at least one round of drinks are mandatory. The chicken fingers with three dipping sauces and overloaded nachos with chicken, cheese, sour cream, guacamole, tomatoes, jalapeños – just how I like it – made me flash my million dollar smile while I played background beauty during FSN Prime Ticket’s game coverage. I had the option of a courtside Bud, a Perfect 10 by special request, or even vino rosso; but I chose ginger ale (it was a very rough weekend). I can’t promise you that the leading lady will consume any of this courtside decadence that the server brings to you, but food is essential. Diddy orders courtside grub, and so should you.
Got VIP Game? Despite popular belief, there are courtside do’s and don’ts…
1) Do carry some sports knowledge. Now, this may be the Midwestern girl in me talking, but the biggest turn-off to me is when a guy flaunts A-list tickets at a game and has no clue what’s going on or has no ability to spit player stats. If you’re a typical stat straggler, try the ESPN ScoreCenter iPhone app.
2) Don’t wear your stunner shades at night. Just because Blake Griffin is on the bench rockin’ his white Adidas tearaways for four months doesn’t mean you can lounge in your folding chair sporting your white Louis Vuitton Evidence shades for four quarters. Save them for the pier.
3) Do use profanity when relevant. Even though foul language is never truly attractive in women’s eyes, we’ll let it slide when such sporting event vernacular includes, “Fucking Kaman!”
4) Don’t be a bad sports fan. It is quite the trend to arrive fashionably late to your center court floor seats, but early leaves are absolutely intolerable. Never leave before the 4th quarter ends, even if your home team is not on top. (I learned this rule of culture during my toddler years at the old Busch Stadium).
Got Real VIP Game? So, you’re up close and personal with muscled males who get paid millions to dribble and seduce broads when jet-setting. One of your home team’s forwards does a
double triple take on your date. Later, you catch the pro baller attempting to eye-fuck her before the second half begins. Then, when you and the femme look in the Clipper’s direction, he looks away, takes a squeeze bottle of hand cream and shakes it up and down in a jack-off manner (no pun intended). Handle that! A good laugh and a “That was awesome,” will prove your calmness and cool factor, as well as wrap up a humorous NBA memory. Be a player, join the game.
VIP Seat Cred: It’s the sports fanatic version of street credibility. So, how did you score those prime seats again? Fame? Fortune? Or did you use leftover law school loans for this one? Hopefully not the latter. I’d hope that a guy sitting on the floor at center court mans his own successful entrepreneurship, was able to charge the tickets to his Amex without regret, or has some ridiculously amazing story behind him, or all of the above. Now, if you happen to be the featured business success story in this month’s issue of your city’s luxury lifestyle publication, then that will cop you enough seat cred points for the rest of the season.
VIP Dessert: Cold. So the game has ended, you’ve got her waist in one hand and her souvenir in the other, and have thrown tip to valet. Make the pit stop to a chilly dessert so you can warm her up later. Obviously. Indeed, you already paid a grip for parking and courtside concessions, but you must satisfy her sweet tooth with her favorite ice cream – or my personal weakness – Pinkberry. Her toppings of choice better be in your brain’s SIM card. Honestly, at this point, your female companion won’t even be hungry. She’s just waiting to see how far you will go.
Dessert #2: Hot. (Again, no elaboration needed).
Moral of the story: Don’t floss if you ain’t a boss.
He walked like this ‘cause he could back it up.
[Note from Mary Beth: I hope you enjoyed courtside iPhone shots of my VIP V-Day experience. If you’re wondering – yes, this gentleman definitely set the bar for others to follow. But like I said before, each time you give a girl a gift, she will expect something bigger and better each time thereafter. Setting such a high bar for yourself is pretty ballsy. And I like it. For more photos of last night’s game, visit www.MarUsedToLoveHer.com]